shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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