You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
