sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
