Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
