Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
