I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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