You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
