She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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