Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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