It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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