i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is Oprah even human
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
