I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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