Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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