We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
