I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
