Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
