idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
