I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
