I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need a hoe opinion
go on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
