oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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