He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize