You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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