i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
