he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
