So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
