just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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