I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
