he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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