the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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