On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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