i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
