I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
