Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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