Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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