Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
