Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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