Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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