Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
