so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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