an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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