this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
