btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
