just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
