i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
