I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
