I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
