Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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