I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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