I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
