yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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