if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
