I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
