none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
