They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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