Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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