I'm going to rape someone's good day.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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