dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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