I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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