i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
