It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
