it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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