Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
