So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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