I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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