I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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