my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
