New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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