Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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