She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize